i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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