apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
