guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize