So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
