Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
