Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
