I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
