I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
