I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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