I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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