2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
