True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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