brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
