Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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