Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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