We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
