Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
