Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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