I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
