have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
