I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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