if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
God, I missed his penis.
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