I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's shark week go big or go home
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
