Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
