i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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