I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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