I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
