Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
