Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
