The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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