Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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