I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
