he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
