what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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