his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
