How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just pynch a tree in the face
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
