Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
