Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize