you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
