Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
