The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
