fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize