He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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