I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
