I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
