No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
