Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
