covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
