I think I died a long time ago.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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