Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
