My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
