She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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