got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
