Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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