Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
