i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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