Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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