I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
