I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I love you.
Bad choice
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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