YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
