All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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