come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
