you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize