I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
