I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I woke up under a house in Key West
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