I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if only i could text you this smell
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
