I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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