She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
