i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
